Why do some people turn a deaf ear?

The theory

I've recently received an email from a reader that is looking for positive solutions to deal with communication problems in the organization she's in. The problem, as far as I can tell, doesn't seem to be that people don't get informed of what happens - the problem is that some people are turning a deaf ear to some things.

This isn't so much a problem with communications as it is with influence. The best way of looking at this problem is turning the question on its head: Why do some people listen attentively and carefully? Looking at it this way, these are the characteristics of the ideal listener:

• Commited to the issue you want to talk about. If the people you are talking to don't seem commited, the simplest approach is asking where are the people that really care about this matter.
• Confident. Anxiety makes people distracted and unable to hear what you are saying, they will hear instead what they are afraid to hear. If you get the impression that you are talking to an anxious audience, you have to try to reassure them before you say anything else.
• Questioning. Somebody who isn't able to question what they already believe makes a very poor listener. If it looks like people are having trouble questioning their previous beliefs, you'll have to be very careful about providing solid evidence to support what you are saying. A very difficult situation can arise when somebody is starting to doubt previous beliefs, but still furiously clinging to them. Then you will have the extremely difficult combination of somebody who is unquestioning but anxious at the same time. I have never found out what is the right way of dealing with this - any suggestions are welcome!
  
• Clued up. It isn't strictly necessary to talk with people that already know well the issues you want to talk about, but it helps a lot. If it looks like you are talking to an uninformed audience, be very careful to explain everything from scratch.

Everybody notices when somebody else is turning a deaf ear, but you never notice when you are turning a deaf ear yourself. To give a personal example, a friend of mine was going through a painful relationship. He said: "I don't understand why my wife is always shouting at me. What is her problem?" My friend said: "I'm sure she's telling you all the time. Come on, what is the most common complaint she's always shouting about?" The unhappy husband couldn't say. Clearly, he wasn't listening!

It's a good rule to remember: if something isn't working, there are good chances that somebody has already told you what's wrong. And you weren't listening.

If you cultivate the qualities of a good listener, this should happen less and less.

Update: I got the following comment from somebody who receives updates about this site by email: "Ecology as a discipline had its chance to be relevant in 1960-1970 but all those who focused on single populations and their models and evolutionary ecology undermined whatever chance Ecology had to be relevant. It is irrelevant now, give or take a conservation biology issue or two. (As per your "who I am -- and Ecology's deaf ear)". It's a pretty good example of somebody who clearly didn't pay much attention to the contents of this site, and such things are very common. Lots of people that we talk to simply aren't commited to the issues that we're talking about, and put what you tell them through the filter of the issues that they are commited to.

The practice

Think of the last instance when you could tell that somebody was turning a deaf ear. Which qualities of a good listener were missing? Can you find a way to make this person into a better listener? If not, can you find a person that will be a good listener for this particular issue?