Who should be in a group?

The theory

I always wanted this blog to be impersonal, neutral, boring nerdy stuff about how things self-organize, in human groups and in nature. Then life happens. There was a biggie in summer, when my husband died. Well, there's been another biggie this week, when I got laid off.

Which leads me straight to the question: Who should be in a group? This is part of what you need to think about as soon as you have a group. Even if it's a group of volunteers, does it mean that we should merrily accept anybody that comes and never ask anyone to go? Are the people who come always "the right people", or should we be looking for what we need?

There is a very simple rule of thumb you can apply whenever you wonder who should be there. Every member of a group needs to have two things:

• Something to give: Why does everybody else want this person here? If you start feeling that the answer is: "Well, nobody wants this person here..." something needs to be done about it. Either the person has to start offering something, or has to go.
• Something to take: Why does this person want to be here? If somebody starts feeling like they aren't getting anything from being here, they will go. Unless somebody notices first and they get given something they want.

Even when there is give and take, people may feel that the exchange isn't fair. When the general feeling is that a person is taking more than they're giving, there's trouble. Most people are careful to balance their goodwill books, to the point of keeping detailed track of what favours are owed to who.

The reverse is also true: whenever there's trouble in a group, people start looking for somebody who must be taking more than they're giving. This isn't necessarily the case (problems can be for all sorts of reasons), but it's such a common human reaction, that every time there is a recession, lay-offs are a common solution.

The practice

Experiment 1

The "give and take" rule doesn't apply just to humans, it's also the base of every community in nature. Look for examples of groups of animals - a beehive, a school of fish, a rabbit warren, or a family of birds - and try to answer these questions:

1. What does each individual give and take? This may include:

• Food
• A chance to rest
• Shelter
• Protection
• Propagation of the species

2. What happens with individuals that take more than they give? What happens with individuals that give much more than they take?

Experiment 2

You can do this in any group you are part of. Ask everyone to make a list of the things that they give to the group. Then another list of the things that they take. Then compare lists.

1. Are there many things in common between lists?

2. Is there anything that is given or taken that appears only in the list of one or two people? Does this look like it makes people more powerful or more vulnerable to have this special thing in their list?

3. Are there people that have one or two things only in their give list or their take list? Does this look like it makes people more powerful or more vulnerable?